#5. Santa with a Hooker
Yep. Not much more to say. A full-grown man, costume and all, during the holidays, with a hooker sitting on his lap. I bet I know what’s Santa’s present to her was . . .

#4. Bet She Didn’t See That Coming
When you’re riding a bus through the ghetto on a daily basis, you take your chances. The day when a girl on the bus had her hair set on fire by a nut job with a lighter forced me to consider alternative transportation choices. I wonder if it would have helped if the lighter was child-proof.

#3. The Positive Tourette’s Guy
Picture this: old black man in old dirty clothes who shouts out random things at random times at the top of his lungs. Tourette’s? Yes. The difference is, he yells out positive things . . . like “NICE JOB!” or “WE CAN DO THIS!” Positively inspiring, I tell you.

#2. The Urinator
I was on a long bus ride, and there was an old man sitting in the back seat. He was pretty shabby – maybe homeless, maybe not. The back of the bus began to smell, and block after block it got worse. People started migrating up to the front, until eventually he was alone back there. He got up quickly at one stop and ran out the door, leaving behind a puddle of urine on the back seat. It was the first and only time that I’ve seen every passenger on a bus share a laugh.

#1. The Drive-By
My brother was walking on the sidewalk as a bus pulled up to the stop. Someone leaned out of the window and shot him in the back of the head with a BB gun. After my brother ran serpentine into the nearest building and cleaned up the blood, he went about his business. About a week later he noticed that he still had a bump on the back of his head, and realized that the BB was still in there. He went to the doctor, got it removed, and kept it in a glass jar on his dresser for the next year.

(Candy Smokers, feel free to add any funny bus experiences of your own below.)