Seriously.

This applies to porn sites, too, but I’m mostly talking about beer/alcohol related sites and violent/M-rated video game sites here.  For instance, I just went to the SOCOM website to see any information about the public beta starting today and was prompted with a three-dropdown greeting asking me to enter my birthdate.

Why?

Oh, right.  Because the mostly-anonymous internet demands that I tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth always and forever, so help me God, right?  No one lies on the internet.  Those 40 year old men pretending to be 19 year old horny college girls really are 19 year old horny college girls who want to fulfill every desire of every fat, acne’d piece of shit, never-gonna-get-laid-without-paying-for-it tools they try to coerce money out of, right?  No one lies on the internet ever.

Duh.

So why the hell do I need to verify my age?  Especially on an alcohol-related website.  Am I going to get wasted just looking at your standard run-of-the-mill Flash-based website that over-does everything with way too much animation, probably really obnoxious sound effects and a million popups about whatever retarded promotions you’re currently running?  Am I really?

I guess I missed the CD-ROM/DVD-ROM/Internet-Beer-Tap-ROM combo drive when it came out.  Damn.

You think that if I’m 18, I’m really going to put in a birthday that says I’m 18 only to get denied from your site?  Of course I will: this is the internet!  WE DON’T LIE HERE AT ALL.

Idiots.  Stop wasting my time.  Every time I have to verify my age, you’re giving me one more reason to stop using your company’s products and one more reason to start shitting in sandwich bags to mail to your corporate headquarters.