I think I may need to create a new ‘Facepalm Through Head’ category because I’m not sure if ‘Things I Wish I Haven’t Seen‘ does this story justice.

I just read a story about a Dallas-area student who was held from her high school because of a dress code violation.

So why is this story newsworthy? What if I said that the dress code violation was because of a single piece of jewerly? What if I said that the piece of jewerly was a rosary? And, here’s where it really gets weird, the reason for the infraction is that her rosary is considered a “gang symbol.”

Either this is the biggest politically correct overreaction I’ve ever heard or Dallas is crawling with some really devout gang members; either way…

BTW, Nate tells me to never Google Image Search ‘devout’… I’ve never been brave enough to find out what all the fuss is about but I’m just passing along the warning.

I’m a big Packer fan and all this ONGOING Favre drama has really gotten me down on pro football. But, hey, it can’t get any worse, right? WRONG.

Today, I just discovered that the NFL commissioner Rodger Goodell has implemented a code of conduct policy for fans attending games this year. Did you miss it? I said a code of conduct policy “for FANS.”

Yep, the NFL is going to take all the fun out of protect it’s fans from:

• Drunkenness and signs of alcohol impairment that result in irresponsible behavior.
• Foul or abusive language or obscene gestures.
• Interference with the progress of the game (including throwing objects on the field).
• Failing to follow instructions of stadium personnel.
• Verbal or physical harassment of opposing team fans.

Alcohol impairment? Abusive language? Harrassing opposing teams? Whaaaaaaa?… that doesn’t sound like football to me… oh wait, that sounds EXACTLY like it. And guess what happens if you participate in such activities? Well, expect to be kicked out and/or have your season tickets revoked.

I know that games are played on Sundays but are they being played in churches now? Hell no! So where’s the obscenity and violence that made this game great?

Now it’s not that easy for me to find tickets so this probably doesn’t affect me that much but how is this gonna affect the Eagles home games. I mean, they booed Santa Claus for shit’s sake… what are their home games gonna look like if they’re banning druken idiots?

Alright so an Eagles fan cheap-shot aside, this is absolute bull shit! So you’re telling me that I can’t pay over $75.00 to go to an NFL game, get drunk, yell obscenities and flip off millionaire drug dealers, wife beaters and Adam Jones? Hi, pot, I’m kettle.

Alright, so this is awkward.

I just got an email titled “Dorothy is waiting on you.” Naturally, I figured it’s spam but as I flagged it as such I discovered that it’s an “friend” invite for the social networking site tagged.com.

Fair enough, but who the hell is Dorothy?

Is it an old fling? I can’t remember a Dorthy? Did I go to high school with this girl? No, don’t think so. Wait?… Is that that quiet, mousey chick from in our mailroom at work? Holy shit. I think it is.

So she thinks we’re “friends?” Really? I think I said “Hi” to her once only because I had to go down and return someone else’s paycheck that was mistakenly put in my mailbox.

I don’t “do” these social sites so I normally don’t have to deal with this stuff but apparently I have to choose ‘yes’ or ‘no’ if she’s my friend… God, this is awkward.

I barely even know this girl; what happens if I say “yes?” Is she gonna want to eat lunch together in the cafeteria? Shit, is she gonna ask me to help her move? Fuck that, I’m clicking ‘[Hell] no!’

Sure, things will probably be awkward for a while but I’m pretty good at avoiding co-workers and I guess I can just take my outgoing mail home and drop it in my own mailbox.

I saw a CNN news article titled “Designer of Pringles can is buried in his invention,” and I, like most red-blooded Americans, fully expected to see something like this:

Instead, he was simply cremated, and a portion of his ashes were buried in a regular-sized Pringles can.

That was a downer.

I have a new hero and his name is Avi Oslick.

It all started when Avi wrote a check and shortly thereafter called Bank of American to ask them to cancel it. He says that the bank originally confirmed that the check was cancelled but later it cleared, Avi was down $2,500 and the bank told him that there was nothing that could be done.

Avi told NBC 10 that he spoke to the bank to try to resolve the matter by saying:

“Listen, you know, if you guys don’t work with me on this issue, you know, I’m just going to tell everyone how much I hate the bank.”

And since he’s a man of his word that’s exactly what he did. He posted a 1′ x 10′ sign on his house reading “I HATE BANK OF AMERICA.”

Right now you’re probably thinking “Wow, that’s pretty badass,” and you’d be right but you haven’t heard anything yet.

Avi wanted the world wide web to know that he hates Bank of American too so he created iHateBOA.com (the site is “dedicated to why Bank Of America sucks so much”) and on that site he exlains:

[Bank of America] called the police.The police asked if it was my house, my wall and if I would take it down. I said Yes, Yes and NO. They said… sounds good to me. So I added a bigger sign.. one that made more of an impact. 2 feet high by 20 feet long

So… a police visit to his house inspires him to double the size of his sign? That’s just vintage Avi.

I doubt that I need to explain further why he’s my hero. I did’t think so.

Or so the Apple fantards would have you believe with the announcement of the 3G iPhone. It is all everyone is talking about today. I gotta admit it, Steve [Jobbs], you won. I’m not a fan of Apple products in the least; I feel they’re highly overpriced technologically advanced children’s toys. But here I am talking about your Savior anyway.

So kudos to you, Steve, you coffee-drinking, black-shirt wearing, smug-looking son of a bitch. My only hope is that my committing the mortal sins of running a Windows desktop computer, using a phone with Windows Mobile 6.0 Professional and proudly owning two Xbox 360s don’t reserve me too deep a spot in iHell.