We here at Candy Smokes have been engaged in a long running (and occasionally heated) debate… not about politics, not about religion but a debate about an inter-species war between bugs and humans.

Hopefully you can help us come to some sort of resolution on this issue.

This is how we are framing the debate:

• Simultaneously, every bug on the planet turns against humankind and actively does everything within its power to eradicate humans
• Besides their blood-lust for humans, bugs gain no other powers than they already possess (i.e. they cannot communicate outside their normal means… like with bugs of different varieties)

So what do you think? Who would win? Vote using the poll below and if you want to explain your pick please use the comments section of this post.

Expect more to follow…

Now, don’t take this as a ringing endorsement for Obama or anything like that.  I don’t really care either way.  I’m willing to give the guy a shot and see what he can do.  But whatever; that’s neither here nor there.  What IS, however, here AND there, is a look at how fucking stupid the vast majority of hardcore Republicans/Obama haters really are.  Here’s a comment I took from someone’s recent Facebook status messages (other than removing a few names…NOTHING was edited or altered):

You have never been suttel or for that tackful. Thoe I do not like obama or his socalist and comunist ideas. You have to remain a person that can inform people of the truth. You see obama as he is and not for a savior that will save this nation. This nation is desprate and tired of all the B.S. with white and black, the slowly falling econemy, and America being laughed at even thoe we help any other nation in trouble.(where was comunist china for those times) Americans are so scared that they will give up there freedoms one by one. Our fore fathers had even said this would happen. but what scares me more is that Comunist Russia said this would happen. Thoe rember its still not to late. We must stay strong and not be looked at as close minded idiots but as people educted with facts.I have decided to refrain from racial comments or rash talk excpecily in public so people will take my opion seriously. And not of a racist close minded rude ass. stand with me and out wit them.

I should probably be scared that someone so dumb is out there and allowed complete freedom to drive, own a weapon, hold a steady job and even speak in public…but I can’t stop laughing at how absolutely wrong almost every word is in that paragraph.  And Republicans wonder why so many people hate them…

I’ve never been so proud to be an American in all my life.  Never in our history have such odds been faced and never before have we come out on top so united, so responsible and so open-minded.

The last few years have been leading up to this moment.  Never before has change been so desperately needed or deserved for our lives and the lives of millions of others across this great globe.  With the events of last night, we can finally say, “Yes, we can” and can confirm that change has, indeed, arrived.

It is with great pride, honor and joy that I looked at the American flag this morning, smile and gave a big “Fuck you” to Microsoft.  Yeah, that’s right.  I got them to repair/replace out-of-warranty Xbox 360.  No longer do we have to fear the big corporations pushing around the little guy because last night, the little guy won.

Suck. On. That.

This is a huge day for Americans and Xbox 360 owners worldwide.  Let us rejoice in the good fortunes this surely means for us all.

I learned something when I awoke this morning.  In fact, I learned at least three things.

And, ironically, they were probably the most important things I learned at the two-day An Event Apart web development conference I attended…yet none of them have anything to do with web development.

1. Making a joke that requires a somewhat intimate knowledge of local geography and tensions between the people in two different cities (and states)–a joke that most it applies to can barely chuckle at–won’t get any laughs.  Especially if it needs to be explained afterward.  Explained twice no less.
2. When discussing culture and entertainment don’t respond with X Country “has original TV shows?”  And, in the same vein, don’t immediately respond “I have no idea who that is” when the foreigners are discussing their most famous film director ever.
3. After a 12-hour struggle with a hangover powerful enough to put down an elephant, I learned to never, ever drink with Europeans.  Especially if you’re at a conference and one of the sponsors is holding an open-bar party after the first night.

I hope I’m not the only one laughing hard at this children’s book. Because if I am, it tells me a lot more about myself than I want to know.

Please note that I’m quite used to receiving hate mail, but if you want to hit me with some on this one, I hope your messages can fight their way through the 2,000+ spam comments sitting in my inbox right now.

Cheers,

Nate

I was talking to my brother a little while ago when he told me about something that happened earlier in the day. He was taking a shower and received a call on his cell from “Ben.” My brother’s name is “Dan,” so I’ll give his roommate (for sake of anonymity and ease, he’ll be referred to as Roommate) roommate a pass, I guess, for glancing at the ringing phone and thinking it said “Dan.”

But then I want to revoke that pass.  Because Roommate didn’t think it was another Dan calling my brother, he thought my brother was somehow calling himself.

Since my brother wasn’t in the room, but his phone was and he was calling it, Roommate thought Dan must be in trouble.

But Dan was fine. He was showering. Not calling himself.

This situation really shed a lot of light on a lot of things. For starters, Roommate either thought Dan had a second phone for no other purpose than to call his primary phone in the event of an emergency, or that Roommate thought Dan programmed his own number into his primary phone so that he could somehow call himself from his one-and-only phone without being on it or near it.

…telepathically?

Anyway. It got me thinking. As I’m currently in downtown Chicago attending a web design conference, what if, on my way to the wicked awesome after-party, I was being followed down some dark alley by a guy who pulled a knife and wanted to mug me? Would I call another friend or, better yet, 911 for assistance?

FUCK NO!

I’d call myself.

Here’s how I’d imagine the situation…Me:

*running down a dark alley away from knife-wielding maniac*

*gasping*

*pull out phone*

*dial my phone’s number*

*put phone to my ear as I’m running, gasping and desperate for someone–ANYONE–to pick up*

*no ring…straight to voicemail*

“GOD DAMN IT! WHY AREN’T I ANSWERING?!”

*in my distracted and agitated state, I miss a passed out hobo and trip over his outstretched legs*

*stabbed and wallet stolen by knife-wielding maniac as my voicemail beeps expecting me to leave myself a distress message*